


Fallin' For Yourself... Not What You Think

by BabyBoiVee



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Anxiety Attacks, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Boys Kissing, But actually its 6+1, Confused Thomas Sanders, Denial of Feelings, Dissociation, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Repression, Slow Burn, Stimming, Surprise Kissing, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25415410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyBoiVee/pseuds/BabyBoiVee
Summary: 6 times Thomas kissed the sides, but 1 time he confessed why.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Thomas Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Thomas Sanders, Thomas Sanders/Thomas Sanders (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	Fallin' For Yourself... Not What You Think

Thomas looks over the sides in the room. All in their usual places, Logan to his right by the stairs. Virgil, sitting on the steps, followed by Roman standing in front of the TV with his twin, Remus. Then, Janus and Patton, stood side by side with the blinds drawn behind them. Familiar feeling piles in his chest, like vines covered in thorns, are tightening around his lungs making it hard for him to breath. Tears prick the corner of his eyes, he tried not to blink as that would make them fall.

Of course, the first one to notice was Virgil, feeling anxiety spike throughout the room, looking at him from across the argument happening in between Logan and Roman once again. He raised an eyebrow at Thomas, a slight ‘are you okay?’ gesture. Thomas stuffed his hands in his pockets, his posture similar to that of Virgil’s. He shrugs his shoulders in response, he doesn’t know. He feels this feeling all too often that it’s normal yet, he doesn’t know the meaning of it. It wasn’t a panic attack, he’s had plenty of those in his lifetime to know what they are.

He jumped as Patton whispered from his left. “You alright, Kiddo?” He sniffled out. Patton’s crying. His emotions must be strong enough to have made Patton cry.

Thomas looks around, Logan and Roman still arguing. Remus was now clinging onto Janus’ side, successfully annoying him. Janus gives Thomas glances from the corner of his eye, tongue flicking out tasting the air. Right, he can taste lies.

Thomas takes his attention back to Patton, who looked at him, patiently waiting for his response. Thomas whimpers a small “I don’t know”, every word he says feels like he swallowed a thousand knives. This makes Logan stutter his words, coughing throughout his argument. Roman immediately quietens down, finding himself in front of Logan taking his face in his hands. The thorns around Thomas’ lungs tighten, staring at the scene in front of him.

Patton let out a small ‘ooh’, looking back and forth from Roman and Logan to Thomas. Patton gently takes Thomas’ hand. “Come on, let’s get you to bed, Thommy.” Patton tried his best to not let his baby voice out, guiding him upstairs to his bedroom without effort.

Thomas didn’t fight Patton, only feeling something like fire engulf his body as Patton’s hand rested on his own, his lower back, wherever we would touch to guide him, past Virgil and up the stairs to his room. “I-I’m really sorry, Pat.” Thomas’ voice felt and sounded hoarse. 

“Oh don’t apologise for being love-sick, Thomas. It happens to the best of us.” Patton gently laid him down on the bed, pulling up the sheet to tuck him in. The tears seemed to be forgotten by Patton, focusing his power on Thomas for now.

The expression on Thomas’ face showed relief, he finally knew the word. Or a variation of it.  
You could call it,  
Love-Drunk  
Boy crazy  
Infatuated  
Impassioned.  
And many many more.

But it didn’t make him feel any better. Falling for the aspects of your personality? Is that even legal? Wouldn’t that be selfcest or something? 

Patton drew him out of his thoughts. “So…” He paused, softly running a hand through Thomas’ hair, while his other one wiped tears from his own eyes, he looked down at the tears that had fallen. They were perfectly shaped, like cartoonish tears, they shone what seemed to be both rainbow but the main focus on the colour blue. Patton’s blue. “Is it Roman or Logan…?” Patton’s features showed understanding, and a slight tinge of something else, but Thomas struggled to identify what it was. 

Thomas chuckles as if he’s mocking himself. “I, honestly don’t know.” His face dropped, remembering the way Roman rushed his way over to Logan. Looking at Logan like he was the only one there. Like Thomas didn’t matter to him. He didn’t miss the way Logan immediately fell into Roman’s comforting arms like this wasn’t the first piece of affection he had gotten from the other. It looked all too natural. 

The scene couldn’t help but replay in his head, only to be brought back by Patton kissing his forehead. “Your heads wondering, do you need me to bring Virgil here? Or anyone else?” Virgil’s presence was calming, all the sides knew Virgil, as well and Logan helped calm Thomas out of his own head. Knowing Thomas sometimes likes to hang with only a specific side if he needs it. Patton knows a lot, he’s a lot more observant than he looks out to be. “Or would you like time to yourself?” Patton knew the right words to say, a natural caregiver to all the sides and Thomas. 

“I know this is gonna be a strange request-”

“There’s nothing strange about whatever you’re gonna say, I know it.” Patton beamed a smile. 

Thomas couldn’t help but match the smile. “Could you bring Janus and Virge in here?”

Patton didn’t question it. “See, not a strange request after all.” Patton stood from the bed and headed his way to the door, only to be stopped by Thomas, who had grabbed his hand. “Tho-”

“Actually Patton before you go-” He rose from the bed himself with a slight struggle. Patton furrowed his brows in worry, resting his hands on Thomas’ arms, keeping him steady. Thomas felt that familiar fire burning his arms. Thomas cupped Patton’s chin, tilting his head up. _Patton’s shorter than him, interesting_. Patton’s face flushed red, but he didn’t move away only tilting his head to the side in curiosity. Thomas chuckles softly, his eyes looking over the freckles on Patton’s face, he opens his mouth to speak but quietly shuts it. He thinks about his words carefully.

“Are you okay, Thomas?” Patton rested his hands instinctively on Thomas’ chest, not pushing him away or pulling him closer.

Thomas’ hand that was cupping his chin moved to instead cup his cheek, thumb tracing lightly over his freckles. “P-Pat, I know this is a weird ask but-...” A blush formed on Patton’s cheeks as he simply nodded, waiting patiently for his question. “C-can I kiss you-?”

Patton gasped. “I- I thought- Roman- Logan-” Patton tried to get his head wrapped around the prompt given to him. “Why me?” He finally asks after a break of silence.

Thomas stayed quiet, watching the nuts and cogs slowly churn in Patton’s head. Thomas let his mind wander, biting his lip imagining how to tell him. He slowly shakes his head, the hand that cups Patton's cheek pulls the other closer slightly. He lets his eyes trace every perfection of Patton's features, taking note of how easily Patton follows his lead.

Patton finally looks up at him, silently bringing a hand up to his neck and pulling him down. Not yet kissing him, but looking up as if to ask permission. Thomas gives a silent answer, leaning down meeting him halfway. Patton hums contently, Thomas could feel him smiling into the kiss.

Thomas felt his heart race, not realising how fast it was beating until he felt his chest against Patton's as no one knew who was the one to move closer. Thomas’ hands now on the shorter males waist as Patton's found themselves around Thomas’ neck.

Patton was the one to break the kiss. His cheeks suddenly turned rosy as he realised what happened, nervously adjusting his glasses. _Did he misread the signs about Thomas’ looks towards the other pair?_

Thomas let him take a step back, shoving his hands back into his pockets, but shoulders not slouching as he had been before. Letting Patton think for a few seconds, too anxious to even let out a squeak himself. He just kissed Patton. He's probably gonna get mad. But wait, _it's Patton…_ Thomas felt his throat dry up, he's probably fucked this up, how is he even supposed to do this another 5times?

Patton tilts his head curiously. “Wh-what was that about, Kiddo?” The nickname suddenly tastes weird in his mouth when referring to Thomas. 

Thomas felt his chest tighten again, the vines finally reaching his throat and clutching at his tongue. Thomas felt lint from his pockets around his fingers, subconsciously letting himself play with it as he tried to think of a good excuse about what the fuck happened. He scolded himself, he shouldn't even be doing this. 

Patton realised his posture, the anxious fidgeting and slight stimming giving him hints about Thomas’ current anxiety. Patton gives his bright and well-knowing Dad Smile and brings his hands to his chest, lacing his own fingers together as he tries to ignore his own flustered presence in the room. “Y-you don't have to answer that yet, okay Thommy!” He cheered in a soft voice. “Whenever you’re ready!” Patton gets frustrated by the confusion he's feeling, but he knows better than to force someone for their answer. Maybe they'll talk about it later.

A few beats passed before Patton made his way to the door. “I'm gonna go get Jay and Virge.” Patton paused, whispering over his shoulder gazing embarrassingly over to Thomas. “I love you…” 

Thomas couldn't help the smile across his face. “I love you too, Pat.” He finally met each other's eyes, similar yet different browns stare lovingly at one another before honey left the room. Thomas could hear him skip down the hall and downstairs. 

**Author's Note:**

> {Tags will be updated as each chapter gets uploaded}  
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